So, how's it going, Jacob Children?
William, Owen, and Kara (WOK): We're good!
Are things less crazy than, say, four months ago?
WOK: Heck no! Murphy has his Law; we have the WOK Law: Things Must Only Get Crazier by the NanoSecond. It's irrefutable and inevitable and indelible. All at once!
Wow.
WOK: No kidding, right?
Right. Okay, let's get through some stats here. Height, weight, cuteness, etc.
WDJ: 49 pounds. 3 feet, 6 inches. I'm still cute, but I am a force of nature to be reckoned with.
ORJ: 11 pounds and 8 oz. 24.25 inches
Holy smokes!
ORJ: I know, right?
Right. You gained over seven pounds in four months. You are right on target, little buddy!
ORJ: Thanks!
Owen, what does Mommy say that you remind her of?
Benjamin Button, the guy who started out as an old man when he was a baby. Weird, huh?
Yeah, really. What about you, Ms. Kara?
KKJ: Um...
What?
KKJ: I haven't been measured or weighed in a month or so and...
And...
KKJ: You don't ask a lady (BUUUUUURRRRPPPP! FARRRRRRRRT!) her weight!
Ms. Kara! THAT is NOT lady like.
KKJ: Why must you write about my un-lady like tendencies, Mr. Daddy?
So I can embarrass you when you become a teenager and start dating... NOBODY EVER! But seriously, you are stinkiest baby ever! You insist on farting right into my gut while I feed you, ALL THE TIME. Sometimes, we swear that you just made some Poo Brownies in your diaper. Oh no, you just stink, little girl, and all of your Non-existent Future Boyfriends will know this. But anyway, can we guestimate your weight?
KKJ: NOOOOO!
Okay, well, since Ms. Kara is not going to cooperate, I am going to guess that she's WELL over 12 pounds (hey!), but she's definitely shorter than her brother. So there you go.
Sorry, Kara. Anyway, I have some other questions for the Twinado. Is there a Secret Pact between the two of you?
Owen/Kara (OK): Whaaaaat?
So there is a Secret Pact?
OK: Okay, you got us.
Spill the beans!
OK: Well, we have to keep the parental units on their toes. So when one of us cries, the other is probably looking very sweet and sleeping, And THEN, when that one stops crying, the other decides to turn the Crying up to Eleven.
I thought Ten was the highest you could go?
OK: When we really want to rock out with the Constant Crying, We Go To Eleven.
So you go to Eleven then... Okay, what are these animal sounds that I hear from you guys?
ORJ: When I start crying, I sound like a Baby Tiger revving up his engine... Rh-air, rh-air, rh-air.
Is is really that bad sometimes?
KKJ: Yes! Okay, no. But in my mind it is.
Mr. Owen, I have a question for you, why must you fight your bottle?
ORJ: Well, dad, I'm just a little guy, okay? I'm not like Ms. Chunkers over there (hey!). I'm sorry that sometimes I have to constantly Karate Kick you while I drink my bottle. My tummy gets full pretty fast, okay? My smallish jaw also does not help matters much, and I have this really snotty nose, so even with this Stupid Cannula + Oxygen Tank, I still have trouble breathing at times. Plus, I can get gassy, or there is a Full Moon out, there is a Phantom out there, the Earth isn't rotating fast enough, etc., etc. Hey, but I AM gaining the appropriate amount of weight, and I AM doing better with my bottles, just not always as well as Ms. Tubs of Fun (hey!) over there.
Speaking of that Stupid Cannula (official, scientific name), what is the deal with that, yo?
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| At Children's Hospital: 10-10-2014 |
Okay, what is thing called The Witching Hour?
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| The Dreaded Double Fuss Face |
ORJ: Apparently Kara sees that Ax Murderer every time at 8:00 p.m.
KKJ: And Owen's lip just starts quivering like it's in an earthquake.
OK: Nope, abandon hope ye who enter the Twinado.
Great. Is parenting a Twinado every bit as tough as people say it is?
Okay, what is this thing called a Milk Coma?
OK: Well, we just drank a whole bunch of Milk, we've got a whole bunch of Milk on our faces, and we're in a coma. Milk Coma. What's so hard to understand about that?
What are some sounds that Owen and Kara make?
OK: Oooooo, ooooooooo, ooooo. That's how we both talk!
What about Mr. William? How is he helping out with the Twinado?
OK: Will likes to help out, and he likes to help out a lot. He wants to turn on Owie's breathing machine every night (which hopefully will be shut down for good soon). He helps out with putting our PJs on with buttons and zippers and such. He helps put our binks back in when we spit them out. Really, the bink thing is just for Kara, because Owie is not a fan of binks... Well, he LIKES binks, but he just can't keep a bink in his mouth without Mommy or Daddy holding it in there for him.
Also, Will likes to come right up to our faces and make funny faces for our amusement (or bemusement). He also likes to say, "The Babies are crying," when we are crying, which could be helpful it weren't so gosh darn obvious already.
What are some crazy/funny things that Will has done recently?
OK: Do you see this picture?:
Goodness Gracious!
OK: I know, right? Mommy said that if Will wanted to help clean the dishes, he needed to make sure that he didn't get his clothes wet. And, as you can tell, that picture was the result...
Oh man!
OK: I know, our big brother is kind of weird and funny, but we like him!
Any other stuff to discuss about Mr. Will?
Well, Daddy and Mommy are still doing fun stuff with Will, and it's not ALL about the Twinado all the time. Mommy took Will to see his first movie, How to Train Your Dragon 2. Daddy has also taken Will to the zoo a few times, and also to the Museum, where he is now starting to get interested in creating Plays with Puppets. How fun!
Wow, this has been a pretty amazing time, hasn't it, Jacob Children?
WOK: Yep, it's getting pretty late now. Owie is sleeping without oxygen tonight, William is sleeping at Grandma Nancy's, and Daddy has Kara Snug as a Bug in a Rug at home. It's pretty late and Daddy's creative juices are spent. Hopefully the next blog Daddy writes will be one where Owie won't have the Stupid Cannula, Kara won't be so sassy about her weight, and William will be less crazy. We shall see!
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