And It's Still Bonkers-Crazy Here

 

Have I ever told you that the life at the Casa de Jacob is just slightly crazy?  Ah heck, who am I kidding?  It's Full Blown Looney toons Cray-zee.  Our lives are so crazy we make an insane asylum look like Disney World.

So what's been going on you ask?  Well, let's start with

THE JACOBS PERMANENTLY MOVE INTO CINCINNATI'S CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL

Okay, this is only a slight exaggeration, but it's so close to the truth that it's sad.  But for real, all three Jacob children have spent at least one full night at Children's Hospital over the past 10 months.  Do you remember I had the shingles?  I mean, it's so outlandish that you think I made this up, right?  I wish I did.  It only happened three months ago, and I am pretty much all the way fully recovered, but then all of a sudden

KARE BEAR HAS TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL

So this is what, like, three weeks ago, and poor Kare Bear had the Worst Night Ever of "sleeping."  "Sleeping" is in quotes because sleeping was not to be had, by either Kara, Mommy, or Daddy.  Daddy and Mommy wish I were exaggerating.  Kara fussed fussed and fussed all night, coughed coughed coughed.  Finally, at about 7:00 a.m., Mommy listened to Kara's breathing and it was very heavy.  Like, this-is-not-good heavy breathing.  Mommy decided to take Kare Bear to the emergency room.  Long story short: Poor Kare Bear had this thing called Bronchiolitis.  It is as bad as it sounds.  She had to be monitored by all these machines for a super long time to make sure that she could breathe without all this junk blocking her airway.

But you know what's funny about this situation?  Not funny ha ha.  But funny wah wah?

KARA'S ROOM WAS LITERALLY RIGHT NEXT TO THE ROOM THAT I STAYED IN WHEN I HAD THE SHINGLES.

Did you think I was kidding ya when I said we should move into Children's Hospital?  I mean, I was in 510 and Kara was in 511.  Not. Even. Joking.

And yet Kare Bear's ordeal still was not finished.  So after Kara stayed at Children's overnight and they said that she could finally go back home, a week later guess what happens?

KARA GOES BACK TO THE HOSPITAL.

So it was another very rough night with Kare Bear, and her breathing was heavy again, so Mommy took her back to the emergency room.  This time around, she didn't have to stay overnight, but we had to give Kare Bare some medicine through this thing called an Inhaler.  But we had to give her the medicine stuff from the Inhaler through a big ole mask.  So Daddy had to 1) hold her down, 2) then put the mask on, 3) spray the Inhaler, and 4) then let her breathe six (!) times; AND then do that same thing again three more times IN A ROW.  This was done every four hours the first 24 or 48 hours or whatever it was (the days get pretty hazy at Casa de Jacob).

Finally, Kare Bear is pretty much All Better.  She's a trooper, though.

And now, we come to Owie.

OWEN HAS MINOR (KINDA SORTA) SURGERY

Before surgery

So Owie is my special little dude.  He's not as vocal as Ms. Talkative over there.  Kare Bear makes Consonant Sounds like Da-da and Hey Da-da.  Owie goes Ahhhhhhhhh (non-consonant sound).  Owen has to wear a hearing aid because he flat out has no hole in his left ear.  Owie also has to sleep with a cannula to help him breathe at night because he has sleep apnea (non-obstructive, central apnea).  And on top of all of this, Owie has four Skin Tags, a Dermoid above the left eye, and a Small Cleft Lip.  Those three things are what he had surgery for.  So Skin Tags are essentially additional balls of skin that protrude from your skin.  These things were on the side his face, and one of them was blocking his ear.  So they needed to go, because who wants extra flesh sticking out of your face?  Dermoids: a slight bump beneath the skin.  Owie's was about the size of his eye, right above the eye.  Cleft lip: he had a slight divot in his lip.

So the surgery took place exactly a week ago (4/9/15).  Mommy and Daddy take Owen to Casa de Jacob -- I mean, Children's Hospital -- at 9:00 a.m. for his 10:30 surgery.  As they are prepping Owie for his surgery, the Anesthesiologist examines Owen and says, "I think we may have to reconsider giving Owen surgery today."  WHAAAAAAAT?!   If you could feel Mommy's stare, you would feel a Mack Truck smacking you right in the face.  Long story short: the lady thought that Owen might be too sick for surgery, but Owen wasn't really sick, so it was all good.

After surgery

Anyway, once Mommy and Daddy got the Green Light for Owie's surgery, they STILL had to wait another hour+ before they took Owen into surgery.  And THEN they had to wait four more hours before the surgery was over. But Owie did a great job!  They fixed all the parts of his face.  However, poor little guy, he looked like he got into a bar fight once they were finished with him.  His lip got really swollen (almost comically so), and he had to wear these things called No-No's on his arms, which prevented him from touching his face and making the Ow-wees on his face any more Ow-wee-er, if you know what I mean.

But a week after the surgery, Owie is doing awesome!  His lip isn't swollen anymore, and the stitches will eventually just disappear or something magical like that.  Science is pretty cool, you know?

NON-HOSPITAL RELATED STUFF, THANK THE LORD

So there have been other happenings and going ons other than the ridiculously absurd amount of time that we've spent in the hospital over the past few months.  Let's focus on the positive things!

Kare Bear Stuff

She is getting big!  She is over 20 pounds now!  And that's after she lost her appetite because of that darn Inhaler and nearly hacking up a lung with Bronchiol-whatever.

She is getting to be more interactive!  She likes to imitate other people around her. When Owen gets excited and waves his arms, she waves her arms as well.  She likes to make a clicking sound with her tongue when you make that clicking sound.  And now when you say, "How big is Kara?  Soooooo big!" she raises her arms up in the air.  She can also say Roar! and Ba! Ba! like a sheep, but she is a little sheepish with her sounds.  Ms. Shellie can get her to do it all the time, but not so much with Mommy and Daddy.

Kara is also a champ at sitting!  She has a VERY solid base (it's all about the base, no trouble), so she doesn't tip over very often. And she loves to clap!

Owie Dough-We Stuff

Owie is also getting bigger!  Not quite as big as Kare Bear, but he is catching up and getting some more chub.  He is over 18 pounds now.  

We are a little disappointed that Owen hasn't been vocal after wearing the hearing aid, but he is smiling more now and more interactive.  He is Very Super Focused when he has the hearing aid on (and even when he doesn't), and sometimes he looks at you like you're crazy when you're talking to him.  Like, Daddy, what in the world are you talking about, you crazy man?  

Speaking about the hearing aid, sometimes that sucker just won't stay on his head.  He doesn't have to wear it all the time (he doesn't need it while he's sleeping or eating his Ba-Ba), but when he does, it sometimes ends up in his mouth, especially after he has worn it for a while.  And even Kare Bear is getting in on the act!  She is borderline obsessed with the hearing aid.  Whenever she sees it, she will automatically reach for it, and Daddy will tell her No No.  She stops and looks at Daddy very sweetly and innocently like, I would NEVER do ANYthing naughty.  And then the next thing we know, she has the hearing aid in her mouth!  Just snatches it right off Owie's head band!  That's only happened twice (on Daddy's watch, but it's not like he wasn't watching her. Kara is a Budding Ninja, okay?).  It's like Kara's hands are a magnet and the hearing aid is heavy metal.  

Owie also is clapping now!  He is so proud of himself when he does it, too. Good for him, little guy.  

Will-I-Am Stuff

As mentioned before, I am pretty much all good with the shingles stuff.  HOWEVER, I did develop a bad rash ALL OVER my body one day at daycare, and that worried the You-Know-What out of my parents.  So Mommy picked me up and took me to my pediatrician.  While we were waiting, a nurse mentioned that it looked like the Measles.  Mommy's Mack Truck Stare came back.  I saw her eye twitch.  I was a little afraid for a sec -- like her head might explode or something -- but the doc came in and he said it was NOT the Measles.  It was some allergic reaction to something that we have no idea what it was.  But I got SUPER rashy for like, three days, but I am all better now.  I wasn't even feeling bad.  Just rashy.

I am still doing karate and I kick butt!  I have three colored stripes on my belt!  

Daddy took me to Perfect North for some Tubing on, like, the last weekend of the year to go Tubing.  We had SO much fun. We went down a really big hill six times. I even mentioned it to Daddy yesterday and said we needed to go Tubing again sometime, but, alas, winter is so far away.  

AND THE COOLEST THING THAT WE JUST GOT...

A new Play-Set from Grandma Nancy!  It is so Super Awesome!  It has swings for me and the babies, a climbing wall, a climbing rope, a tree house, and a super fast slide!  Thanks, Grandma Nancy!  

And thank you, Papi, for helping the Workers out while they were building the Play-Set in the backyard.  He helped make sure the Play-Set is level.  It is really really cool!  

Well, I really, really, REALLY hope that life will start mellowing out for everyone at Casa de Jacob.  Daddy likes to remind everyone that for all the stuff that we deal with, it could be worse.  Not exactly the most comforting advice, Da-da, but I guess we have to take it.

Hope all is well with everyone!

WDJ

Fast and Crazy Times at the Jacob Household

Hey Folks.

You know the saying that if a story weren't the truth, people would never believe it if you wrote it?  Well, that describes the Jacob Family to a T!  Really, I'm sure other families have gone through faster and crazier times.  I just don't know who they are and what kind of stories they are trying to peddle.  

So I know everyone wants to know all about the twins, and how they are doing, and all that David Copperfield kind of stuff, but I don't feel like getting into it right now.  This is MY blog, you know?  Those little buggers are just going to have to wait before I tell you my story about this madman stuff that happened to me right after Christmas.  

Do you know someone else who has the shingles besides that former Stinky Steelers quarterback Terry Bradshaw?  Well, his name is William David Jacob.  Me.  I mean, who heard of a four-year-old getting the shingles? The. Shin. Galls.  It's absolutely positively one hundred and twenty-three percent crazy.  Just nuts, I tell ya.  

It all started on a Monday when I woke up with a red spot on my eyelid.  I had been progressively feeling more sluggish that weekend, but nothing really odd until I got that red, pimple-like thing on my eyelid. That Monday I stayed home because I was feeling really yucky and not eating very much, which, if you know me, is really odd.  Well, Tuesday I didn't get any better, and by Wednesday I woke up crying.  My eye hurt really bad.  So mom took me to closest emergency hospital, who then told us we should go to my pediatrician, who then said I should just go to Children's Hospital (this seemed unnecessarily convoluted, but I digress).  

At this point I was feeling very tired, and I was pretty much in constant pain.  Daddy ended up taking me to Children's.  He had to carry me from the car to the emergency.  I know I am only four, but I am darn near 50 pounds, and a dead-weight 50 lbs is no easy task to lug around the hospital.  

Anyway, I had to stay in the hospital from Wednesday all the way to Saturday.  Three whole days.  Straight.  For the first 48 hours I barely ate anything.  I may have had a bite or two of some mac 'n' cheese, but not much.  I mean, from Monday to Thursday, if you counted everything I ate, it probably did not add up to even one of my usual meals.  No exaggeration at all.  I did not want a single thing to eat.  I also slept all the time.  It really, really, REALLY hurt to open my eyes, especially the one with spots on it.  And when I say spots, those spots were now all over the left upper left side of my face.

Me with the Shingles at the Hospital

  

The whole not eating thing and the sleeping all the time worried the doctors a lot, which is why I had to stay so long at the hospital. They were worried that the SHINGLES WOULD EAT MY BRAIN.  Which is only slightly an exaggeration.  But, for real, the shingles can mess with your brain parts and your eyes parts and your nervous system and all those necessary things for, like, living life and stuff. 

So I had an IVY, pumping me with medicine and fluids so I wouldn't get dehydrated and stuff.  I had to have an MRI, which meant that they took pictures of the inside of my head to see if they could see the shingles eating my eyes balls or my brain.  Luckily, the shingles weren't that bad.  That would be like 100% bad.  It was only 99.9% bad for me, so I was doing okay.  

So Mom spent the night with me on Wednesday, and Daddy took his turn on Thursday night.  On Friday morning, the a Team of Superheroes (doctors) came in to check on my shingles.  Despite them being all Superheroes and smart and stuff, I didn't feel like all talking to them all that much.  But you know what is really Super Awesome about the hospital?  Room service for Free!  (Dad has this to say: Hahahahahaha. "Free")  My tummy FINALLY started grumbling a little bit as soon as the doctors left.  I asked Daddy to get me The Greatest Breakfast Ever Known to Mankind:  Mac 'n' Cheese + Glazed Donut + Cake Donut.

Friday through Saturday my appetite slowly turned around and I started perking up more and more. So much so that I was able to go home!  I am still not 100% because my one eye has been bugging me, and sometimes I have to wear shades in the morning because the light hurts my eyes, and also because I'm totally cool and stuff, but mostly because of the hurting thing.  Still, I am improving and it doesn't hurt so much anymore!  

I also just started taking Karate!  I need to be able to kick Shingles in the Butt if it ever comes back again!

Okay, now that you heard all about me, I guess I will talk about what you "really" (whatever) came here for: the Twins.  

Owen and Kara are both getting bigger and bigger (but not bigger than their Big Brother):

Owen is now 16 lbs and 3 oz, 26.5 inches long, while Kara is 18 lbs, 26.25 inches long.  She's got him by almost two pounds!  And she's shorter!  C'mon, bro!  You gotta start pounding more protein shakes, bro!  Lift some weights, bro!  Eat a Slim Jim for dessert like I did one time (you see why me not eating was kind of a big deal?).  

We have a very nice lady named Ms. Shellie who comes and takes care of Owen and Kara almost every day.  We need Ms. Shellie because I think Mommy and Daddy would have gone crazy by now without her.  Plus, she takes fantastic pictures of the babies.  Did you see the pic up above with the Christmas Twins?  That was all her.  People think we have a professional photographer.  Psh-yeah, right.  Like we have money growing on trees.

But really, we needed Ms. Shellie because Owie Dohwe has some problems where he couldn't go to my daycare.  He had to be on oxygen 24/7 from June to October.  After he had a Sleep Study, we got to knock off a few hours of those 24.  It's now more like 10/7 because he's on it just at nights.  We were hoping to be off of it completely.  Tonight, as I am writing this blog, Owie is going through another Sleep Study.  Mom said that he cried at first when they had to put all this stuff on his face, but he calmed down after she put on some of his favorite Night Tunes.  Cross your fingers and hope that he can be completely off the oxygen!  

Other things that we found out about Owen:  He has no joint connecting the left side of his jaw!  Holy smokes!  Can you believe that?!  No wonder he always had problems with eating.  The doctors took a special picture of Owie's head (a CT scan), and there was flat out NOTHING there between the left end of his jaw and his skull!  Yikes!  There is tissue and muscle and some gooey stuff I think, but nothing else.  I mean, his jaw is kind of small in the first place, and now this.  All of this is fixable.  Owie may even have a surgery (on his jaw) as early as Daddy's Spring Break, in April, but the Sleep Study will determine that.  

And yet another thing that my little brother has to deal is his ear.  Do you remember that I told that he HAS NO HOLE IN HIS EAR.  Geeze-Louise!  What did you do to poor Mr. Owie, Ms. Kara, while you were in the womb with him?  Did you Karate Kick him in the head a few times and stole all the Jaw Joints, Jaw Size, Fat Rolls, and Ear Holes!  You need to learn to share, Missy!  

Sorry for the rant there, folks.  Anyway, Owen got a Hearing Aid!  Hurray!  The Blood Suckers Who Hate People, Puppies, Babies, Sunshine and All that Is Good in the World (the insurance company) finally decided that they can give an eight-month-old defenseless being the gift of hearing better.  He can still hear pretty okay without the hearing device.  They tested his hearing and he CAN hear.  But it's as if you're putting a hand over your ear.  Try hearing like that 24/7.  Not that great.  So he's had his Hearing Aid for about 48 hours, and he's smiling more and laughing more at things.  He also has this Great Look of Concentration while you talk to him.  Like he's really listening.

Owie doesn't make too many different sounds right now.  He sounds like a higher-pitched Chewbacca from Star Wars.  Wa-ahhhhhhh!  Ahhhhhh!  Dad thought he said a Ma, Ma sound today, but it was brief and he didn't repeat it.  Oh well.  We'll give the little bugger some time.  He's only eight months!

  

And now for Ms. Kare Bear.  Well, the other night I did say that I hate my sister, which was totally out of character of me, because I really do love Kare Bear, just like I love Owie.  But really, Kare Bear at night, oh boy.  You know, I was just trying to watch my new favorite show, the 7D (as in the seven dwarfs), and she is crying and crying and crying SO LOUD that I couldn't stand it.  Oh well.  I made up with Kara and we're cool.

One thing that I like do with Kare Bear is squish her cheeks together and make puke sounds.  Mom and Dad tell me NOT to do it because of #1 Germs on my Hands and #2 It's Gross.  Whatevs.  I do it all the time because SHE makes Puke Sounds so much that we started calling her Puke Noise.  She likes to stick her hands in her mouth, and sometimes she sticks them in too far and then BLEH!  Sometimes Mom and Dad will be doing something, Kare Bear out of sight, and then they hear BLEH!  There goes Puke Noise.

Aside from making the Puke Noise, Kara has started making other consonant sounds, like Da, Ba, and Hey Dada.  Seriously, she likes to say Hey Dada.  It's kind of cool.  She's becoming more mobile.  She can roll around the ground fairly well.  If you put her on her back and you look away, sure enough, she is right on her tummy.  Look away again, and she's out in the street.  Ha ha. Just kidding. But that girl is starting to move!  Owen is moving, too, but he doesn't roll as much on his own as Kara.  He's more content to just chill where he is.  If you put him on his tummy, he'll roll to his back, and then just chill and go, Ahhhhhhhh!  

Kara also has a great Belly Laugh.  She was beating Owie for a while in the Laughing Department, but Owie is catching up!  

And one final note: the Babies were Baptized!  Hallelujah!  

Hope all is well with everyone!

Hopefully next time I write there will be good news with Owie and his Jaw and his Sleeping. And I hope that Kare Bear stops crying so much at night!

- WDJ

Q & A with William, Owen, and Kara

So, how's it going, Jacob Children?  

William, Owen, and Kara (WOK): We're good!

Are things less crazy than, say, four months ago?

WOK: Heck no! Murphy has his Law; we have the WOK Law: Things Must Only Get Crazier by the NanoSecond.  It's irrefutable and inevitable and indelible.  All at once!

Wow.

WOK: No kidding, right?

Right.  Okay, let's get through some stats here.  Height, weight, cuteness, etc.  

WDJ: 49 pounds.  3 feet, 6 inches.  I'm still cute, but I am a force of nature to be reckoned with.

ORJ: 11 pounds and 8 oz. 24.25 inches

Holy smokes!

ORJ: I  know, right?

Right.  You gained over seven pounds in four months.  You are right on target, little buddy!

ORJ: Thanks!

Owen, what does Mommy say that you remind her of?  

Benjamin Button, the guy who started out as an old man when he was a baby.  Weird, huh?

Yeah, really.  What about you, Ms. Kara?

KKJ: Um...

What?

KKJ: I haven't been measured or weighed in a month or so and...

And...

KKJ: You don't ask a lady (BUUUUUURRRRPPPP!  FARRRRRRRRT!) her weight!

Ms. Kara!  THAT is NOT lady like.

KKJ: Why must you write about my un-lady like tendencies, Mr. Daddy?

So I can embarrass you when you become a teenager and start dating... NOBODY EVER!  But seriously, you are stinkiest baby ever!  You insist on farting right into my gut while I feed you, ALL THE TIME.  Sometimes, we swear that you just made some Poo Brownies in your diaper. Oh no, you just stink, little girl, and all of your Non-existent Future Boyfriends will know this.  But anyway, can we guestimate your weight? 

KKJ:  NOOOOO!

Okay, well, since Ms. Kara is not going to cooperate, I am going to guess that she's WELL  over 12 pounds (hey!), but she's definitely shorter than her brother.  So there you go.  

KKJ:  Hmph

Sorry, Kara.  Anyway, I have some other questions for the Twinado.  Is there a Secret Pact between the two of you?

Owen/Kara (OK): Whaaaaat?

So there is a Secret Pact?

OK: Okay, you got us.

Spill the beans!

OK:  Well, we have to keep the parental units on their toes.  So when one of us cries, the other is probably looking very sweet and sleeping, And THEN, when that one stops crying, the other decides to turn the Crying up to Eleven.

I thought Ten was the highest you could go?  

OK:  When we really want to rock out with the Constant Crying, We Go To Eleven.

So you go to Eleven then... Okay, what are these animal sounds that I hear from you guys?

ORJ: When I start crying, I sound like a Baby Tiger revving up his engine... Rh-air, rh-air, rh-air.

KKJ:  I make Mouse Squeak noises, just at random times.  But when I cry, I don't make any animal noises.  I sound like an Ax Murderer just entered our house.

Is is really that bad sometimes?

KKJ:  Yes!  Okay, no.  But in my mind it is.

Mr. Owen, I have a question for you, why must you fight your bottle?  

ORJ: Well, dad, I'm just a little guy, okay?  I'm not like Ms. Chunkers over there (hey!). I'm sorry that sometimes I have to constantly Karate Kick you while I drink my bottle.  My tummy gets full pretty fast, okay?  My smallish jaw also does not help matters much, and I have this really snotty nose, so even with this Stupid Cannula + Oxygen Tank, I still have trouble breathing at times.  Plus, I can get gassy, or there is a Full Moon out, there is a Phantom out there, the Earth isn't rotating fast enough, etc., etc. Hey, but I AM gaining the appropriate amount of weight, and I AM doing better with my bottles, just not always as well as Ms. Tubs of Fun (hey!) over there.

Speaking of that Stupid Cannula (official, scientific name), what is the deal with that, yo?  

At Children's Hospital: 10-10-2014

ORJ:  Yo?  (Shaking My Head.  What a dork...)  Well, tonight I am spending a lovely evening with my Mommy at Children's Hospital!  They are testing me for my Sleep Apnea.  Mommy just sent Daddy a text saying that I am doing well so far without my oxygen.  So, Fingers Crossed!  This could be really exciting!  I told Daddy that it's okay to go ahead and write about it because I know he's busy and Goodness knows when he would have time to write out all of these questions for this blog.

 Okay, what is thing called The Witching Hour?

The Dreaded Double Fuss Face

OK: It is the time of evening, usually around 8:00 p.m., when We decide to modify our Secret Pact, and we cry together, and we cry hard.  We. Go. To. Eleven.  And we're annoying.

ORJ: Apparently Kara sees that Ax Murderer every time at 8:00 p.m.

KKJ: And Owen's lip just starts quivering like it's in an earthquake.

Is there anything that can be done?

OK: Nope, abandon hope ye who enter the Twinado.

Great.  Is parenting a Twinado every bit as tough as people say it is?

OK:  Yes, emphatically yes!  We may be cute, but we are a handful!  God only intended for mortals to take care of one child at a time.  Now you have us!  Ha ha!

Okay, what is this thing called a Milk Coma?

OK: Well, we just drank a whole bunch of Milk, we've got a whole bunch of Milk on our faces, and we're in a coma.  Milk Coma.  What's so hard to understand about that?

What are some sounds that Owen and Kara make?

OK:  Oooooo, ooooooooo, ooooo.  That's how we both talk!

 What about Mr. William?  How is he helping out with the Twinado?

OK:  Will likes to help out, and he likes to help out a lot.  He wants to turn on Owie's breathing machine every night (which hopefully will be shut down for good soon).  He helps out with putting our PJs on with buttons and zippers and such.  He helps put our binks back in when we spit them out. Really, the bink thing is just for Kara, because Owie is not a fan of binks... Well, he LIKES binks, but he just can't keep a bink in his mouth without Mommy or Daddy holding it in there for him.

Also, Will likes to come right up to our faces and make funny faces for our amusement (or bemusement).  He also likes to say, "The Babies are crying," when we are crying, which could be helpful it weren't so gosh darn obvious already.

What are some crazy/funny things that Will has done recently?

OK: Do you see this picture?:

 Goodness Gracious!

OK:  I know, right?  Mommy said that if Will wanted to help clean the dishes, he needed to make sure that he didn't get his clothes wet.  And, as you can tell, that picture was the result...

Oh man!

OK:  I know, our big brother is kind of weird and funny, but we like him!

Any other stuff to discuss about Mr. Will?

Well, Daddy and Mommy are still doing fun stuff with Will, and it's not ALL about the Twinado all the time.  Mommy took Will to see his first movie, How to Train Your Dragon 2. Daddy has also taken Will to the zoo a few times, and also to the Museum, where he is now starting to get interested in creating Plays with Puppets.  How fun!

 Wow, this has been a pretty amazing time, hasn't it, Jacob Children?  

WOK: Yep, it's getting pretty late now.  Owie is sleeping without oxygen tonight, William is sleeping at Grandma Nancy's, and Daddy has Kara Snug as a Bug in a Rug at home.  It's pretty late and Daddy's creative juices are spent.  Hopefully the next blog Daddy writes will be one where Owie won't have the Stupid Cannula, Kara won't be so sassy about her weight, and William will be less crazy.  We shall see!

The Twinado Has Landed!

Wow.

Looking back at my last entry, which was written on May 29, life was pretty normal.  I mean, I was still cute as the dickens.  Ate very well.  Played pretty hard.  Didn't take many naps but had "quiet resting time," which meant me chilling out and watching a DVD or whatever (actually, not whatever, it would be a movie). I was pretty much the King of My Castle.  I would say jump and Mommy and Daddy would ask, "How high?"

And then barely a week after that blissfully unaware blog, the Twinado landed right on top of our lives, and it did a wicked tap dance on our little noggins.  Who the heck am I kiddin' with this tap dance stuff?  It was a straight up break dance/slam dance/mosh pit/name-some-violent-and-destructive-maneuver.

Anyway, Kara and Owen must've been really eager to get out of Mommy's tummy.  The doctors had told the babies that they couldn't come out and play until July 7.  They got the "7" right, but they might not have heard "July" right.  June-July.  July-June.  It's pretty close, right?  I won't fault them too much for the mix up.  They're only babies, right?  Next time that happens, though...

But you want to hear something that's funny?  Well, Mommy and Daddy had scheduled a Siblings Class at Christ Hospital on... June 7!  So here we are, getting ready to go to the class at around 9:30ish a.m., and then all of a sudden I hear Mommy go, "Uh oh," and then a big puddle of water splooshed on the ground.  Mommy must have drank too much water or something, because the babies didn't like all that water inside of her and they Karate Kicked it right out of her.  So not only did I get to go to a Siblings Class in the morning, I was able to take the Graduate Level Course later on that afternoon!

So yeah, my baby sister Kara Kathryn Jacob was born on June 7 at 12:29 p.m., and she weighed 4 lbs and 11 oz.  And then my baby brother Owen Robert Jacob at 12:30 p.m.  He weighed 4 lbs and 6 oz.  C'mon bro, you gotta catch up to your sister.  She's only one minute older than you!  That's just 60 seconds!

I didn't get to see them right away, because apparently I am too Awesome for Christ Hospital, and it was going to be this Big Drag of a wait, and I'm a pretty busy guy, you know?  Got things to Do, Games to Play, Girls to Swoon.  You know, the regular stuff.  Luckily I had my Uncle Mike and Aunt Jo pick me up so my Awesomeness can be contained elsewhere.

Since the Twinado arrived a full month early, they weren't allowed to come home and play too soon.  I got to visit them in the hospital once and it was really great to see them.  I love my baby brother and sister so much!  I love to get really up close with them and try to touch them and hug them.  I thought Mommy and Daddy had changed Owen and Kara's names to Careful and Gentle, but I know what I'm doing.  I'm William David Jacob, and my birthday is on September 16.  See?  I know lots of things. I can even put on my own clothes (mostly) without getting frustrated at all (Okay, 6 out of 10 times, or something like that).

Life with the Babies has been pretty interesting, to tell you the truth.  Kara was able to come home on Sunday, June 15; while Owen needed a little extra help.  He had to be taken to Children's Hospital so that all the female nurses can see that Yes, All Jacob Males are Really that Gosh Darn Cute.  I mean, right?  He didn't come home until Monday, June 30 because they had to call all the nurses and doctors from across the whole state of the World to come see how gosh darn cute Owen is.  No one could just take our word for it.  Owen's awesomeness has to be seen in person.

Since they've been home, it's just been a constant cycle of eating, pooping, burping, farting, and more eating and pooping.  And I'm not talking about the babies (these jokes just write themselves, don't they?).  Daddy is taking this "vacation" a little too casually.  Actually, both Mommy and Daddy are having a rough summer.  Not much sleep is to be had when you have two little human beings that have to feed every three hours, which really means that somebody is eating something roughly every two hours.  Daddy has taken over the 2:00 a.m and 3:00 a.m. Owen-Kara feedings.  He doesn't know how he drew the short end of the stick.  He thinks he probably should've been listening to some conversation at some point, and he missed something somewhere.  That's how things usually go in his world.

Of course, Mommy is doing the 11:00 p.m./12 a.m. + 5 a.m./6 a.m. feedings, AND she still gets up around 2 or 3 a.m. anyway because there is somebody inevitably crying, usually Daddy. So now my Mom and Dad have been replaced by Zombie 1 and Better-Lookin' Zombie 2 (that would be Mommy, naturally).  Mom-Zombie, or Mombie (trademarked!), has started to smell like the babies more and more every day, which is not a good thing.  I told Daddy that she smells like puke, essentially.  When milk goes sour, it goes SOUR, you know?

Things have been working out for me pretty decently.  I mean, sure the Babies are now the Center of Attention, but I always have to make some sort of Ruckus to let everyone know that I'm still around. These kids can't have ALL of the attention, you know?  It would give them a complex or something.

Now, I normally don't do what I'm about to do.  I am Mr. I DO IT, and I like to CONTROL EVERYTHING, but there are two new family members, and since Mombie and Dambie are trying to teach me to share, here are entries from Kara and Owen.  Now, please do not judge their writing too harshly.  Their writing may veer into superfluous digressions, hyperbolic analogies, and faulty logic.  Remember, these are only babies.

First Name: Kara
Middle Name: Kathryn (Grandma Nancy's middle name)
Nicknames:  Kare Bear, Ms. Fuss Face, Big Dolores
Current Weight: 8 lbs 8 oz
Current Height: 19.5 inches

Hello everyone.  I am Kara and it's nice to meet you.  Life has been grand so far.  I really could not think of a better way to enter this world.  I was the first one out of Mommy's tummy, and I was the first one home from the hospital.  I outweigh my brother by a full pound, and I am a full inch taller.  Yes, I like to be first in everything.  I think that is why Daddy has taken to calling me Princess Kara, or the Prima Donna, which is Italian for First Lady.  Darn right I'm the First Lady.  I don' like to be bothered to do anything, really.  If I feel cranky and I need to cry about it?  Well, there are at least two capable... one capable adult somewhere in this house.  Pick me up already!  Sheesh, do I need to send a written invitation?  Chop chop, on the double, and so forth.  Just do it NOW!

Also, these things called diapers.  I do like diapers.  They are a part of my ensemble that help keep this Princess Nice and Warm.  But sometimes... well, a girl has to let some things "go."  I mean, if I kept it in all the time, I might explode and then Sugar and Spice would be everywhere.   But if I have to deposit my Sugar and Spice in the diapers... Well, diapers are certainly not meant for that Icky Stuff.  I like to wait until one of my Servants comes to change me.  And then when I feel that air... My Daddy is quite surprised that a girl can have a Fountain like I do and that it goes everywhere.  Well, girls can do anything that a boy can do, Daddy, AND much better.

Sometimes, however, I can't wait for my Servants to change me.  Apparently they can't hear my Blood-Curdling Crying, for whatever reason that may be. I mean, one of my nicknames is Ms. Fuss Face because... well, I do fuss a lot.  I have to deal with this thing called existence, right?  It's tough.  I mean, I can go from Not Fuss Face to Fuss Face in Ludicrous Speed, and then back to Not Fuss Face as if nothing ever happened.  It's quite amazing, really.

Anyway, when I do make a Deposit in my diaper... Well, Daddy has called my Lady Droppings the Stinkiest Things Ever.  And sometimes while I'm being fed, I have to give one of my Servants the benefits of my Lady Aroma, which the Dad-Servant has said are the loudest, smelliest "farts" (Ladies do NOT "fart") of all time.  Sometimes when I send forth my Lady Aroma, it is so loud and so... musical and so... moist-sounding, Dad-Servant thinks that I have added my Lady Droppings of Sugar and Spice into my diaper.  Heck no!  I am just trying to keep these people on their toes!

Twinkie Time!

If I have to say what my number one feature is, which is really tough to say since they could all be number one features -- kind of like an All-Star Team of Hall of Famers -- it would have to my Cheeks, which have been mistaken for large Flotation Devices.  The more I grow, the fuller my Cheeks get.  In fact, at my last doctor's visit, I was told that I do not need any more Formula Fortifier because my weight is coming along quite nicely, thank you very much.

Well, I think I will go back to taking my nap, since I need 23.5 hours of Beauty Sleep to keep up my Cheekiness.  Without further adieu, here is my much younger brother.

Name: Owen
Middle Name: Robert (after his Papi)
Nicknames: Owie, Little Peanut, Little Lumper
Current Weight: 7 lbs 6 oz
Current Height: 18.5 inches

Hey guys and gals!  It's nice to meet everyone!  You know, life for me has had its many Ups and Downs so far.  It's only been about six weeks and it feels like I've lived six lifetimes.  Unlike my Bratty "Older" (whatever about that "older" business) Sister, I've had a few more issues to deal with, and not one of those have to deal with Enormous Cheeks or being the Queen Bee.  My cheeks are definitely not so enormous.  I think she stole all the cheeks while we were in the womb together, because I've got hardly any at all.  In fact, I distinctly remember being squished throughout the whole Being in My Mommy's Tummy Process.  You see, I have a few things that the doctors said I need to have fixed.  And that's fine with me.  Nobody is perfect, right?

So here are a few things that Mommy and Daddy are going to have to deal with:

1)  Small Jaw:  My bottom jaw is not as big as it should be.  The doctors said it's most likely a "prematurity" issue, but I think my Bratty Sister's Abnormally Enormous Cheeks were jutting right into my face. Sheesh.  So yeah, the Small Jaw was/is kind of an issue.  If you didn't know, the jaw helps you breath AND eat, which are pretty gosh darn important aspects of sustaining life, right?  I had some trouble eating the first two or three weeks in this world.  You know what?  Eating can be tough, okay?  Not everyone is Miss Piggy Eats Her Entire Bottle Like It's No Tomorrow (a.k.a. MS. KARA).  I needed some help.  I had to learn how to Suck, Breathe, and Swallow.  Daddy told me that he has coordination issues, too, which is why he ran Cross Country in high school.  That's cool, Dad.  That's cool.  No judgement here.  Anyway, I had to have help eating with this thing called an NG Tube for a while, but I soon graduated from it, and I am now doing AWESOME with my eating, if I do say so myself.  Papi and Daddy were commenting on how I was struggling to finished a 35 ml bottle (just over an ounce) within 30 minutes, and now on a good feed I can suck down an 80 ml bottle (2.7 oz) in 10 minutes!  Now, that was a record time, and it usually takes me around 20-30 minutes on average to finish a bottle.  Still!  I AM doing awesome.

2)  Oxygen:  This is really a continuation of the Small Jaw, which is all connected with the Eating and Breathing Thing (as mentioned before: essential things in life).  So while I was at Children's Hospital, I had this thing called a Sleep Study, and they found out that I have Sleep Apnia.  And since I slept a lot (and still do, but I am more Alert than my sister, Big Dolores), that was kind of an issue.  You see, your body needs oxygen, even when you sleep, and Apnia is when your body doesn't breathe as much as it should while you're sleeping.  Daddy and I are so alike, because he has something similar called Sleep Hypopnia, which is about the same except not as bad as Apnia.  Anyway, just like Daddy has to do at night, I have to Be On Oxygen, but unlike Daddy, I have be on it just about 24/7, minus Bath-Time and Taking-me-Up-and-Downstairs-Time.  Frankly, no one in our Family Likes it.  I have this Nose Straw (a "cannula") in my nose that is hooked up to an Oxygen Tank.  I want to pull that darn Nose Straw out about half the darn time, but Mommy and Daddy say no.  It is annoying, and it's especially annoying for Mommy and Daddy to have to travel with my oxygen.  Because they have to carry my Car Seat with me in it + My Small Oxygen Tank + My Monitor.

3)  My Stupid Monitor that Cries Wolf:  So yeah, another thing I have is a Heart and Oxygen Monitor.  It's this little box that has a cord that is connected to my foot.  And for the entire time that we've had this darn thing, every time it has ever Sounded the Alarm, it has been a False Alarm.  Whenever I kick my feet, which I like to do whenever I'm woken up from my sleep, it likes to go off.  Sometimes the Monitor goes off because it just wants to go off.  It doesn't like our family for whatever reason (which is weird, because these guys, Minus Ms. Fuss Face, are pretty cool).  Since I have grown stronger, or maybe because Mommy and Daddy are becoming Zombies, we are now retiring the Monitor to being used just at night.  They are around me just about the rest of the time, and I've been doing pretty darn good for them over the last six weeks.

Quit Eating My Brain, Kara!

4)  Can You Hear Me Now?:  Well, one of the darnedest things that I will have to deal with is my ears.  The inner workings of my ears are all there (from what they can tell).  So I CAN hear, but... well, on one ear, I don't have a hole there, no ear canal.  The other ear, there is an obstructed hole.  Eventually (before kindergarten, but hopefully sooner than that) they should be able to fix that with a surgery.  I am going to have to go back pretty soon to the Audiologist for further testing, and eventually I will need a Hearing Aid.  But that's okay.  I have survived about 1,001 Challenges so far.  What's 1,002?

NOW BACK TO WILLIAM DAVID JACOB BECAUSE THIS IS MY BLOG.

So, what do you think folks?  Aren't Ms. Kara and Owie awesome?  I love my little brother and sister.  Sometimes I love too much, but that's not really a thing, is it?

Well, I think things are just going to get Interesting-er and Interesting-er.  And probably Curious-er, too.  Who knows?  It's been a wild ride.  And you know what's coming up?  Vacation with Mimi and Papi!  They are taking me to Monticello, IN with the rest of their family!  It's going to be so much fun!  Mommy and Daddy and Kara and Owen won't be able to come because they are LOSERS!  Ha ha!  Just kidding.  Mommy and Daddy have to be this thing called "Responsible."  Oh well, that is their loss!

Talk to everyone later!

-WDJ